And its not like it was a really bad thing. I'm not sitting here with the regret of panicking and getting off, and I'm not broken anywhere, but I actually believed that after riding all by myself and alone after my big accident, would have made me feel like I was on top of the world. It was a goal that I dearly wanted to achieve, but it holds no true spark like the trotting goal did. I guess it has to do with the actual ride, if I'm honest, it wasn't a very good one. I'm still trying to figure out if it was all my doing or not, but it's not like it was so horrible that nothing went right and by the end it was alright, just very brief.Because today was the first day I felt the weakness of my leg back up in the saddle.
I actually was worried I wasn't even going to get up into the saddle. Miss Honey bloated something chronic as I was girthing her up today, and she hadn't gained any extra weight, so I knew she was just feeling really good about herself, having the past two days off and all. Sometimes she's the most perfect, albeit excited pony to gear up for a ride, and on other days, she thinks ridies should be done her way, and one thing she'd like gone is the girth! So since Leslie wasn't there to hold the stirrup, I was a little worried I'd make the saddle slip since we're both porkers. To my amazement, I was up on my first attempt. I thought to myself, "wow, maybe I can get back to doing everything I used to with ease" at that point.
Now I should mention that the wind was pretty decent... it was blowing quite harshly through my paddock, and whilst Honey is a gem in wind, she still was a little unsettled by it. I wasn't exactly nervous to the point I was aware, but I did feel like I wasn't riding her as well as I usually do. We managed to warm up well, although she kept trying to trot off. Once in the trot she leapt into it too excitedly and tried to run off so she could canter, and because I told her no, we had a bit of an argument. I managed to get a couple of nice circles out of her before changing rein and thats when it happened. She didn't trot, she just paced. Which I couldn't understand. So I blamed it on myself for having nerves, and tried to keep pushing her through into the trot, and every time I'd get a stride or two, she'd just try to canter off on me. It was a mess, she started side stepping her corners whilst trying to zoom and I was so damn confused as to what I was doing wrong. I checked my hands, my legs, and tried my best to post through it all. I kept my heart rate down but still I couldn't get her to maintain a trot. It stumped me completely, and I felt stupid for allowing her to canter the other day because clearly that's all she was thinking of. I couldn't get her to think trot, no matter how much I tried, and we began to argue again, to the point where Honey just shot out and I told her no by giving a firm half halt and asking her back to me and she just threw herself sideways. By doing that she jolted my leg and basically I spent the next 10-15 ish minutes riding through pain that kept growing and growing.
But I didn't want to give up, and stuff all the work we'd done to date, so as soon as I got 4 strides of proper trot out of her, I pulled her back to a walk and made her walk until she was calm and listening on both reins before climbing out of the saddle. Once on the ground my leg was shaking which really sucked. I guess the reason I felt so let down by today's ride was because pain stopped me from really enjoying it. I feel like I've been in this fantasy world, where my injury isn't as big a deal as it has been. That I'm empowered and able to do what the hell I want and apart from aching and feeling weak in it for the rest of the day, I'm not limited. Today that world was broken. I'm not all woe is me and depressed... because like I said in the beginning, I stayed on. I didn't hop off because it hurt, and I tried so hard not to be nervous and worry, and I actually don't even remember having a SINGLE thought that I was in danger of falling off. Because it wasn't like I was... whilst she was a tart in our argument, I felt in control of myself, I just didn't have the ability to stop her from leaping sideways and flaring up my injury.
And instead of making it all about myself... because I know Honey picked up that her leap did something to her Mummy, and sort of nipped her attitude in the bud, I went on to take off her saddle and lunged her over a jump. I started it out small and made it a bit bigger. She did really well considering, and didn't refuse, even jumping from a stand still, so yay I was smiling when I was done. Of course being alone, meant I sucked photo wise, but I did manage this shot..
So there were some things to take away from today's experience positively... and the rest is food for thought! And note to self, never ever let your horse's tail go without regular combing - fingers or detangler etc!!! I did, and it took me 40mins to sort through the bloody thing. Needless to say, Honey wasn't a happy horse with all that pampering. But I gave her a carrot afterwards, so I was forgiven, haha!
Hoping tomorrow to ride again, and it'll be a better one! For now, its resting this darn leg so it stops twitching!
Chelle x
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