Doubt; that hindering bastard!

Instant results.

It's something we don't see much in life. I can put myself on a diet... and won't see any changes... I can use whitening toothpaste, and again it takes awhile. But one thing I have noticed in the past is how quickly a horse becomes brighter - to the point you wonder what crack you were on before to think they were "alright" - after they've seen a chiropractor.

The professional I used was absolutely brilliant... I came away with a good explanation of why my horse was sore, how to treat it and how to assist her on her riding road of recovery. She answered all my questions and provided some great tips. She was a pleasure and to see instant results in Honey - to see her stand underneath herself properly... to see her tracking up, her ears and eyes going from back and dull to forward, inquisitive and bright, and to just overall see a horse holding itself together, letting out a deep sigh and just relaxing - it made Honey look more like a horse than she has in a while!


So with the pain addressed, the new saddle sitting in my house was taken out today to sit up on her back, and see if there was any way it can be used on her. I was dubious on the fit - I've never seen a saddle sit so high on a horse before and be told - that's a "good" fit. But after watching a series of clips by this particular saddle fitter > http://youtu.be/U2mKz0uP_K8 I became aware that the modern concept of saddle fitting is sadly mistaken by what I was always taught as a kid. His explanation really helped me come to understand how different horse shapes mean saddles do need to be positioned differently. And made me relax a little with how high my saddle is sitting - since Honey is built with a little wither (what he describes a "mutton wither"). So not only is she obese, but she's also harder to fit a saddle to.

Here's what we're facing atm...

Fat horse with lack of wither +

Saddle that is unable to sit a little lower - but is on the horse's back =

Me sitting in my saddle like a boss on the upper half, but my short legs cannot mold to said obese pony because her belly is stopping the effectiveness as well as my stumpy legs! Haha but it doesn't appear to be a really *bad* fit. I did doubt it - to the point I rushed to facebook to my best mate/instructor and went "looook how do I fix this" and yet I already had come to the conclusion earlier that it was her fat under the saddle preventing it from sitting right and the only way I could think of getting it gone was by riding her anyways.

So the main theme for this blog was to set out and be all 'woohoo Honey's back in business!' and explain my saddle situation, but its actually turned into something eye opening and rewarding. Because I went and asked for help, I was pointed out by my good friend to realise, I'm not as stupid as I feel. That I need to believe in myself a little more. That just because I don't ride as exceptionally well as others - I can see mistakes those riders make, and make good ground support and advice. That I can direct others well with what I see. But when it comes to me, I'm blind. It's like I stuck the training wheels back on. I've had two years out of the saddle... out of what? Thirteen or so years? It's hardly anything to feel like I don't know a thing. I need to trust myself a lot more. And my ability to listen to my horse - I'm always listening, but I'm not regarding what she's saying as something I can come to a conclusion on my own about.... yet who was the one to back and start her - apart from a couple of sessions with my good friend, it has been all me, so who else is in this relationship that I need to consult other than myself and my horse?!

And reading through this blog, I realised its a number one theme. I doubt myself - whether its my ability, or how to discover what was wrong with my horse, or to eliminate problems - I'm so used to rushing for advice, that I'm forgetting the one voice who I don't have to wait to answer on a forum, or facebook. My inner voice. Who knows how to respond well. It's common sense. It's something that's always there and I over look because I feel inadequate to my friends who aren't held back by whatever. I have a lot of limiting problems in my riding - but the number one factor is doubt. That sly bastard, I really wish it could be something easier to fix, like having piano hands and needing to go "thumbs on top" every time I ride (uh... I do have to do that anyways but you get my point!). Doubt will be a hard thing to overcome, but I think I'm ready to do so. I gained confidence in getting my prognosis to the chiro correct, and I have a saddle well equipped to put me in a secure position up on my mare. I've become the type of person who is interested in educating myself - so I need to trust that judgement and stop hindering everything with "what if I hurt Honey?" "what if this happens" "what if that occurs, what will i do?" "What if" needs to be removed from my equine vocabulary.

So with that, the blogs should become more frequent again. I ride Honey for 10mins on Tuesday at a walk, and I'm sure I'll have things to say about that! So I'll leave this here.

Chelle x